I guess I have to finally work on freeing myself from attachment…

Have you ever felt like you just never quite make it to the place you want to be or get those things you desire?  Coming so close time after time, but always falling short of what you really want?  I had a moment recently that felt like the last straw; a final disappointment in a long line of disappointments.  This happened while working through and coming to terms with growing up in a dysfunctional family.  I have often resisted the Buddhist idea of freeing oneself from attachments probably because I haven’t really wanted to do it.  Growing up in a household with little emotional safety, I would often reach for, think about or dream of things outside of myself or my experience to pull myself out of a feeling unhappy.  As I was journaling about my situation, I could feel the essence of Buddha energy and these are the words that followed…..

Oh so much tears and pain. So much sorrow, so much self talk of your soul being destroyed and damaged.  The soul itself can never be damaged but the human, yes certainly you feel this.  When it all crumbles and falls away and you are left in the rubble, where do you go from here?  How do you plan?  What is the lesson?  The lesson is that all is impermanent, all is changing and strong desire and attachment leads to suffering.  That which you believe will make you happy, is never the thing.  Did you know that?  The thing that is longed for WILL NEVER MAKE YOU HAPPY!   The things that are meant for you will just come without all the effort.  They will just be there, arrive or be given to you. There is no “there" there.”  There is no magical place in your life that suddenly you have arrived.  It does not exist for you or anyone.  

You have tried so hard in your life to cling to something outside of yourself to make you happy.  And did it?  Of course not.  For it is not external.  Real happiness comes from being content in the moment WHATEVER is happening.  No person, place, event, or relationship can do that for you.  One of the hardest lessons of all.  You have been let down over and over again by those closest to you.  That is indeed a hard lesson. But do you understand the lesson?  It is about generating self worth and peace inside of you.  No one can do that for you.  No situation externally can do that for you.  So, why does it seem others can reach for goals and achieve them?  That is their lesson this time and not yours.  You have chosen a difficult lesson on earth, to be content no matter what is happening, to find peace and solace internally with just you.  There is no person on this earth that can make you happy.  That can only come from you.

How to move forward?  Take time to digest all that has been given.  Spend time to integrate that into your soul and your person.  All has not been taken from you but I understand it feels that way.  To be stripped of everything.  But you know the soul is eternal and does not die.  So what do you want? What path do you choose for yourself?  Let go of the future outcomes and focus on peace.  Peace on the earth plane is really the only lesson.  It sounds simple and trite but as you are finding out perhaps one the hardest of all.

This has taken time to integrate and I find myself deepening my understanding over time. During challenging moments, I sometimes picture that I am in the eye of a hurricane, calmly observing what is swirling around me, helping where I can and trying to remain unattached to the parts I cannot control. Finding peace in the midst of chaos is challenging. How do you create peace for yourself during challenging times? What part of letting go to attachment to outcomes is most challenging to you? What brings you contentment?

Be Well